A small gesture that yields grand reward
12.2.13 at 10:31.
My day begin with the arrival of a super long, crazy heavy text message. You know the kind of text that you have to re-read at least twice to combat shock value. It was postmarked 4:28am and was formatted into three blocks of paragraph-length text. Although it was written in the simplest of verse, it confounded and paralyzed.
Here's a teeny excerpt:
"I'm done waiting for you to hit me, done waiting until 'enough' time has gone by. I never not want to be around you and I'm sick of your smooth, nonchalant shit. All that emotion, TLC, and sensuality that I get when we alone together needs to translate into your everyday life. Fuck that, I am apart of your everyday life and you will start acting like it"
Two initial reactions:
1. What the hell triggered that?
2. Someone just rose to the top of my list. Shit, I'll be right over.
Anybody who honest to goddess knows me, is likely aware of the fact that I don't chase relationships and/or people. If I am attracted to you (whether it be on a purely sexual or equally emotional plane) I will tell you blatantly and honestly. What you choose to do with that information is the determining factor of our future relations. Whatever the reaction may be, my behavior remains uniform...my attraction doesn't waiver due to reciprocity or a lack there of. I expect nothing and I take everything at face value, I don't partake in cryptic signals...thou, I am prone to reading the hell out of strong vibes. The only downside of this is that in those rare occasions where my counterpart's mannerisms mirror my own, the relationship can drag on for years with no declarations of feelings or certainty. We simply fall into a "it is what it is" stalemate...a comfortable stalemate, but a stalemate just the same.
So, when any entity with whom I share a more than sexual connection, admits to/assures/declares their truth of heart to me, it is a grand gesture of self and whatever level of respect I held for them, has just been doubled. And yes that goes for truths that don't favor my attraction, even if I am told straight out that my love is in vain...let your heart speak and my "inside" TLC will seep into the everyday. Trust me on this one, I've seen me do it.