Sugarfree:ology

17.2.13 at 18:36.

In Her Solitude.
A personal musing starring, directed, and edited by yours truly.

Shot in the basement of my home with nothing more than a tripod and a single umbrella light; conducted whilst snowed in for storm NEMO. 2.16.2012.

Two hours of shooting (most of which was spent between clearing an empty space to serve as the background and applying lipstick and eye shadow). There was no plan, hell there wasn't even a general idea. I walked downstairs, donning my wifebeater, boy briefs, and fuzzy slippers. I stood in the storage room, sipping wine and simply observing the contents of the space. I was this hit with a a sudden urge to prance about in something pretty and slinky. I rummaged through the "summer clothes" box and pulled out the first thing that caught my eye, hence the flowery number I found myself shimming in moments later. Threw a plastic flower in my fro, put on Toni Braxton's "Secrets", set up my camera, and hit .REC.

The final product is essentially an experiment of color, grain, overlay, and movement. I tampered with speed and gradient; it wasn't until I viewed a snippet with all the edits applied, that I decided upon the track. Nina can do no wrong and the feel of the video was definitely one of sensuality and groove, a perfect fit if I do say so myself. It goes without saying that, I thoroughly dig the outcome.

Mama is forever fine-tuning them skills.

- - -

Audio:

"Do I Move You?" by Nina Simone

Video edited with Adobe Premiere Pro.

Labels: expressions, In Her Solitude, videography

at 16:49.

Cheers to the photos that didn't make the cut.

No photo should be denied face time, especially the ridiculous and necessary ones

*side eye smirk inserted here*

Labels: blockhead, collaborations, expressions, self

6.1.13 at 23:42.

Fun Fact: Tie is not a fan of club photos.

The reason being that the camera man always starts making his rounds 3 to 4 hours into the party when the hair is sweated out and the makeup is a little less flawless.

And the most important reason: who the hell wants to stop shaking their ass to pose?

However, I will admit that the candid photos are a blasty-blast to view, especially when they catch you making a face or performing some manner of gesture that captures your very essence. Let us use the above photo, that look of half shock/half amused is a super common occurrence It is most often seen in response to reckless behavior or otherwise, unnecessary antics. In this case, a man standing on a table whilst popping bottles of champagne and spraying it on unsuspecting women. What you're viewing on my face there is my inner vigilante fighting to shimmy itself out of that form-fitting dress to dropkick thee aforementioned asshole.

SmFH. Cheers to the motherf'cking nightlife.

Labels: captured, expressions, self

28.11.12 at 18:39.

Of the many lives that I've lead, the one that I miss the utmost is the 18-month long, chaotic, soaking wet, graphic, whirlwind exploits of the indigo rave maverick.

Her evenings were a mix of penny libations, dank abandoned structures, ripped tights, smeared mascara, violent bass, lipstick-flavored kisses, makeshift cots on foreign floors, tobacco smoke, nipple slips, spinning lights, bruised flesh, and twilight cyphers.

I don't get to relive this particular chapter of my life as often as I'd like, thusly I am viciously thankful whenever an occurrence within my now fairly structured existence, transports my consciousness back to the time of neon and dub.

---

A week or so ago, she who is fondly nicknamed "rum 'n' coke", called me at a ridiculous hour...ridiculous for you normal folk, but for we star chasers, it was simply 'within the cloak'. RnC told me to search for a song on Youtube, and I quote "watch it, cry a little, and call me back." You can imagine my intrigue at this point. Upon arriving at the Youtube multi-verse, I input as I was instructed, "do it with a rockstar amanda palmer". What I viewed following a few additional clicks, was simply put: a kick in my fucking face by a bedazzled combat boots with torn sequin shoelaces.

My reaction in numeric expression = Nostalgia x OVERstimulation + Shock x Anxiety

Nostalgia x OVERstimulation : This used to be my life. Why did I ever leave this magic behind?!?
Drag queens use to blow you kisses and DJs use to invite you and your girls to after-parties. You were a leotard and fishnet wearing creature of the night with a talent for questionable decisions. Your very flesh was charged with love and interaction, and life was your banquet. The night was your universe; the beats and lyrics were your adjacent stars. Strangers were closer to your spirit than your dearest friends and you awoke each morning and/or afternoon with a smile and a longing for midnight to return.

Anxiety x Shock : This used to be my life. What the fuck was I thinking?!?
In short, bitch, you could have been killed countless times. Let's not even get into the potential sexually transferred diseases that could have been swapped between all the tongues you danced with on the broken glass coated dance floor. Also, where the fuck are your shoes? No, you should not have agreed to go back to the hotel room...no, it doesn't matter that you took your friend with you. You don't even know how lucky you are to have lived through all that chaos and come out on the other end, untarnished. So fucking lucky.

---

I don't regret any part of my life. I, truthfully am honored to have had the opportunity to rage within the many facets, communities, genres, and demographics of this earthly consciousness. I may even revisit the life and times of Indigo someday; she was a force to reckon with and I love her abundantly for her roar.

And now a few gifs from Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra's "Do It With A Rockstar, courtesy of Cosmogyri via Tumblr. These adequately embody the aspect of my past life that I miss the most: the exhausting alcohol and rhythm infused post-party passions that followed arrival at the rest place for the evening.

All this reminiscing has got mama's creative juices a'flowing, I forsee aesthetic musings; Yaas Goddess!! I already know which pair of ridiculously necessary platforms I will be donning.

Stay Tuned.

Labels: expressions, memoirs of a reformed raver, nostalgia

A Moment of Honesty

7.11.12 at 22:43.

"...I may not know what I am to you, but I know exactly what I'm not. I'm not your girlfriend, hell I'm probably not even a love interest. Essentially, what we have is a friendly, comfortable acquaintanceship that we occasionally honor with the joining of our bodies and spirits in raging flights of intimacy.

I'm good with all of that..."

Labels: A moment of clarity, expressions, random quote

18.9.12 at 19:43.

Alone.

You left hours before, yet here I remain.
On a bed not my own, in a room I've only ventured into once before.

Frozen in the exact spot where moments before, you had kissed me goodbye.

A blank stare blanketed my face and goosebumps riddled my flesh.

My arms lay limp at my side.

Emotions ravaged my being and my loins began to scream.

Your taste lingering upon my lips.

My juices still clinging to my inner thighs.

Maybe, just maybe if I remained very still, time would lose its sway.

Internally, I hit rewind.

There you appeared before my eye, so present, so unyielding

Luscious. Melanin.

Full. Pout.

Glorious. Curves.

We were one, AGAIN.

Twisted inside out, exploding through the restraints of physical form.
Lost.In.Lust.
We found something rougher than passion and rode it into submission.
There was only us.

Suddenly, your eyes were not as brown.

Your skin not as warm

You were fading, fading from me.

What was this force pulling me back to reality?

Why had it chosen to forsaken me?

My fucking cellphone was ringing.

How spiteful, technology can be.

Alone, missing you.

Labels: expressions, if only for one night

17.7.12 at 21:58.

Title verse-age courtesy of Edgar Allan Poe

Photo taken by Me'shell (my bell)

Quote Relevance? Always a win.

Labels: expressions

16.7.12 at 21:19.

However relationships begin or end, there is no denying the powerful and often life-changing connection between an artist and muse. It is the ultimate testament to the notion that creative energy is both fluid and reciprocal. Without their muse, an artist's creations would be without influence just as without their artist, a muse's influence can not be channeled.

Do you know what it is to be a walking inspiration? To be the one who brings tears and provokes smiles?

That is what my muses are to me. They are the children of creation and the sages of journeys long since completed. It is not enough that they move me, that which makes it all worthy of praise, is the fact that with all that they give me, they love me for giving something back.

Every argument that we've had and every embrace that we've shared, has all translated in one way or another into an expression of my hand and/or tongue. It's the quite honestly the only relationships that can never be looked upon with remorse. They are what they are for the reason that they are, and it is our jobs daily to take what it has to give and turn in into something beautiful.

When you find a muse who shares your vision, love them tender....When you find an artist, who lets you rage, nurture their vision. Relationships are often defined by the dark days, but it is their light days that are immortalized.

musers & creators,

Labels: andy and edie, expressions

9.7.12 at 22:31.

Labels: expressions, what makes a lady

2.5.12 at 21:31.

Labels: collaborations, expressions, mood ring

11.4.12 at 15:35.

Tracklist:

Intro - Die Liebe In Gedanken - Gelesen Von Daniel Bruehl Und Anna Maria Mühe

01 - Irgendwo Auf Der Welt Gibt's Ein Kleines Bisschen Glueck - Werner Richard H.

02 - Boum! - Charles Trenet (With Wal-Berg & His Orchestra)

03 - Bei mir bist du Schön - Max Raabe & Palast Orchestera

04 - Stereo Express & Orlando - La Vie En Rose (Rene Bourgeois More Rum For The Ska Pirates Remix)

05 - Go down Moses - Louis Armstrong (DJ Zed Remix)

06 - Wash my Hands - Kormac

07 - Puttin on the ritz - Woof feat. Fabrizio Bosso (DJ Simi Remix short version)

08 - New York New York - Frank Sinatra (Dj Zago Remix)

09 - Chambermaid Swing - Parov Stelar

10 - The golden Boy - Parov Stelar

11 - The Snake - Parov Stelar

12 - Sie will - 78Plus

13 - Le pudding - Chinese Man (Leo le Bug Remix)

14 - A Cool Cat In Town - Tape Five feat. Brenda Boykin

15 - I Wanna Be Like You - The Correspondents

16 - Get Up - Chinese Man

17 - Love - Globetroddas

(I was clearing out my SD cards and ran across this random 20 second video I took of my Sag. sisterin. Instead of just trashing it, I was moved to fiddle with it...luckily for me, I had just found Rolandson Outta Uppsala's newest swing mix a few days before. Oh, I love it when inspiration is readily at hand. I put the mix on blast and just vibed for a minute with a glass of Merlot....moments later, I knew what mama needed to do. On a sidenote, shout out to Uppsala for feeding my eclectic soul and easily inspired mind....the musings kicked in at about the 12:45 mark)

...if it ain't got that swing",

Labels: expressions, it don't mean a thing

9.4.12 at 14:13.

Photo set by the always awe-inspiring, Henry Adebonojo
http://mybutbeautiful.tumblr.com/
http://room59-occupied.tumblr.com/

It gets no more perfectly me than this....
I adore being caught in my true form but I adore those rare peeks into the true form of others even more.

The awesomeness of me ...& you,

Labels: candid camera, collaborations, expressions

LUNA

at 11:24.

As grateful as I am for the sun and as valuable as Sol is to the essence of renewal/rebirth/reinvention....

The relationship I have with the moon is unmatched and unyielding...

I see myself in her glow and respect the influence she holds over the waters she governs,
Of all the elements, water is the one that rules within me, therefore her sway is indeed written in the stars...

Like myself, she shines in the darkness of the night; when all odds are against us we break through and make ourselves known.

"I see the moon and the moon sees me" .... it is one of the most important 'we' -s of my life.

2:30am l 4.6.2012

Blessed moon,

Labels: expressions, LUNA

Suspicious Nature

25.3.12 at 13:12.

When we are young, we are told that we can be whoever we wish to be

We are reassured that as long as we lead a just life, we will be treated justly

The brutal harshness of reality is that justice is not divine, it is flawed

It is flawed because those who govern are men

By nature, man is nothing more than a series of flaws

Corrupt. Weak. Selfish.

It is not until we are 'old enough' that we realize that true nature of the 'system'

Do we truly have a voice in government?

Are our opinions truly represented?

It is a question that plagues many a mind and ruins many a faith

What matters is what you do when injustice occurs

Do you express your distaste for the matter among your circle of friends?

Or do you collectively call upon like-minded individuals and rage?

Are we fucked no matter what we do....are we invisible...are we merely paws in 'their' game?

Personally, I say:

REBEL. REACH OUT. BE HEARD.

If we do not speak for those who have been silenced unjustly, who will.

Trayvon was far from the first and until change occurs (real change), he will not be the last.

Trayvon's tale: NAACP. Change.org. SignOn.org.

Below set of my hand and heart. Featuring my father and brother...the definitive suspects.

Their voice. Your voice. Our voice,

Labels: expressions, Suspicious Nature

Limbs n' Things

7.3.12 at 22:14.

Pro-shape?
Yep, I am.
Triangles are my favorite with circles coming in second. I dig the finality of shapes...a line is just a line, it's open ended and without limitation. However, if you round that line making the ends touch, your line is no more. It has reached its destiny (finality). The same is so of triangles, rectangles, ovals, squares and yadda yadda yadda.

In the weirdest of coincidences, I acquired a baggie full of multicolored bendy straws. Awesome much?!? I made a necklace (that I will unveil after it is all razzle dazzled) and with the leftover straws, my A.D.D. kicked in.
Here are 3 of the results that I was able to snap a shot of before my aunt and uncle stole them and disappeared into the night in their Mustang. Damn, art-enthusiasts, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.....